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Toby Laping Associates www.WNYCareManager.com
Eldercare News |
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You Need To Know . . . Seasonal Stress by Toby F. Laping, Ph.D., C.S.W. Holiday stress season is here again with all the delight, apprehension, and harried feelings that make December memorable. There are many things we could do to make life easier for ourselves at this time of year; experts annually write articles on that subject giving us appropriate and wise sounding ideas. For whatever reason, though, most of us don't follow their suggestions. Instead, we make good promises to ourselves annually about how to make this pressured season a bit calmer, and then annually we break those promises. It's hard not to get carried away by the rush of the season. I don't celebrate Christmas but even I find myself with too many commitments and too little time to do what is essential. I find myself stretched, sometimes trying to do things for other people that have no real meaning for anyone other than myself, or trying to accomplish tasks that simply cannot be squeezed into the short time I've allotted to them. Hoping not to sound like Pollyanna, I suppose there are certain benefits from running ourselves ragged although I'm stretching here. If we wanted validation of the negative effect of stress on memory, we only need to look at ourselves at holiday time and see the things we've forgotten while we've been under the illusion that we were balancing everything so well. Or, I suppose there are benefits to having all the disparate members of a family together if they really don't get along. It's a way of remembering why one get together annually is sufficient. I suppose, too, that reliving certain family customs can be a way of recalling why they should be forgotten; if only we weren't so stressed, we might have remembered the promise we made to ourselves last year never to repeat those customs. Why don't we acknowledge until January arrives that we can't recreate the past and we might be happier looking for ways to build a new present? Why do we know in our heads but not in our hearts that people we really care about truly don't want us to work so hard in the kitchen that we can't enjoy their company? On the other hand, what about those people who have no one for whom to fuss and who are quite without supports? Many people who live alone and enjoy their solitude nevertheless become lonely rather than alone at the holidays. There are so many who would love to have those people around even if it's just for a single visit at holiday time. People living in institutions without family support, people who can't get out of their homes, people who have lost loved ones and can't quite recover - these are all people who would quite likely be delighted to have someone willing to spend time with them. How can you find those people? Ask your clergyman, call the senior center near you, call the senior housing complex near you, or ask your doctor. People who are willing to share themselves to bring pleasure to others are very much in demand and typically, everyone wins. It's so easy to be rational about the craziness that seems to infect the world around the holidays, but it's hard to act rationally. It's important to remember: the pressure that we create for ourselves does take a toll and in the long run, that serves no one well. And, our feelings are real whether or not they're rational. It makes sense to figure out what really is important, what we really want to do, and what we'll pass on this year. If others challenge our decisions, let's tell them to pick up the gauntlet and we'll be happy to give them applause for their hard work. If we bring some pleasure to others as a result of our meeting our own emotional needs, that's the best of all worlds.
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