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Toby Laping Associates www.WNYCareManager.com
Eldercare News |
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You Need To Know . . . A Personal Reminiscence by Toby F. Laping, Ph.D., C.S.W. Regular readers of this column know that I usually talk about issues of current relevance and I try to provide information that people need to know. Once in a while, however, it’s fun to share issues of the heart. My husband and I have just returned from a vacation of hiking, snorkeling, and animal watching. We were joined by our nine year old grandson, Erik, who lives in California. Erik and we talk on the phone a lot and we see each other as often as time and money permit, but always his parents and sisters are around. This is the first time we’ve had him all to ourselves. We went off on a grand adventure to a place none of us had previously been to, and we were all equally excited. In light of the vicissitudes of today’s travel, we were happy that Erik is a fairly seasoned flier. He knew, for example, that one respects the security process, that flights are often delayed and connections missed, and that meals on board are rare luxuries these days. We did miss connections, we were delayed many hours after getting up well before dawn, and we ate some food that defied description. We were tired, and occasionally frustrated. Erik took all that in his stride - perhaps better even than his grandparents. He proved his mettle. The trip was marvelous and we had a wonderful time together. The three of us were part of a larger group of people. Each night we gathered for a lecture on animals we would see the next day, and all of us listened attentively. Erik was as interested as the adults; his teachers would have been delighted to see how thoroughly he absorbed what he was hearing. One day when I was musing about something, he reminded me that the lecture the previous evening had explained the issue on my mind and he filled in the details. Each morning we gathered with our naturalist leader for the morning hike or swim. Hikes were not easy; they were up hundreds of feet to tops of high hills typically on rocky paths. There were certain dangers involved. Occasionally the hikes were too close to the edges of crevices for my comfort. When we paused to listen to our naturalist along a path, we often gathered near edges of sharp precipices. When we snorkeled, members of the group saw sharks although all I saw were beautifully colored fish. By and large, tho, this was a fairly safe adventure. We took delight in having Erik with us. Both he and we will remember this as one of those special times in life. There were no parents around to oversee or to whom we should defer; there were no siblings who were entitled to some of the attention. If he didn’t eat his vegetables, we didn’t push. If he wanted lemonade instead of milk, that was okay with us. We weren’t about to make waves. Those are parents’ issues. We didn’t have to tell him to go to bed at night; we were all so tired that we headed for bed as soon as the rather late dinner was over. Sometimes Erik excused himself from the dinner table before dessert, telling us he was too tired to stay up. Since this was an adult trip, we treated him as another member of the group rather than as a child. He loved being an equal and we loved our relationship with this child/adult. Thank goodness Erik was returned to his parents in one piece, unbroken and with marvelous memories. His grandparents have a new respect for him as a young adult and he has a sense of us and our generation as fun, interesting people with whom he can interact and learn. Can’t do better than that. |