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Toby Laping Associates www.WNYCareManager.com
Eldercare News |
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You Need To Know . . . A Tribute To Janice by Toby F. Laping, Ph.D., C.S.W. My mother died a few weeks ago; she was 92 years old. Her mind was sharp right up to her death; her body failed her. Heart failure and arthritis had sapped her of energy and an ability to get things done the way she demanded of herself. She’ll be sorely missed but the lessons that she taught and the way she lived her life will continue as testament to her spirit. Mother was one of the lucky ones. She lived by herself and managed her own life. Periodically she had a crisis such as a fall or a fracture but she always overcame those problems and returned to her apartment and independent living. Her will was indomitable. She also kept her mental acuity; for that, she and her family were grateful and aware of how very lucky we all were. Mother was forgiving and understanding of the frailties of others. At the same time, she was demanding of herself. She expected far more of herself than than from other people. Mother gave to others. She was the one who brought over the chicken soup to ill friends or who paid hospital and nursing home visits. When she was the one who got the soup or the visit, she was embarrassed that she had put people out. Mother was politically and socially aware. She had strong opinions about right and wrong and deep concerns about social ills. Even in her late 80s, she went several days a week to a public school to tutor young people whose reading skills were not up to snuff. She read newspapers and sophisticated journals and worked to understand opposing viewpoints as a way of sharpening her own ideas. Mother’s television was usually on when she was home alone. Her favorite channel was C-Span; she watched congressional debates and she had firm, well articulated positions on world affairs. The other channel she watched was CNN. An overriding goal in her latest years was to remain independent. She understood something that often evades people; that is, use of equipment and services could enhance her ability to be alone rather than (as I often hear) thinking erroneously that equipment and services would be the first step in becoming dependent. Her pragmatic bent understood that baby steps of help could avoid the major crises that could shatter her lifestyle. For example, when it was clear that her walking was unsteady and she was a set up for a fall, she understood that she was heading for trouble and that a traumatic fall might mean she couldn’t continue living alone. So, she embraced the idea of a walker and used it religiously. And, when it was clear that her arthritic joints limited her ability to move her legs quickly, she realized that driving was likely to get her into trouble since she could likely not move her foot from accelerator to brake fast enough. So, she gave up driving and made plans with friends or family or van or taxi for errands that needed to be run. Or, as another example, she understood that getting a medical alert button meant that her family would hover over her less since we knew that she could summon help immediately when she needed help. This lady saw that accepting a little help added up to greater independence. What an important lesson to learn. Janice was a great mother and a great role model. The life lessons she taught and specifically how to grow old will serve as a model for me on how to age on my own terms. |